The Art of Amputation
Accept the infection that you’ve been denying.
Identify the gangrenous flesh. Take a marker and draw borders around it. Analyze the area. Notice that there are still some bits of seemingly unaffected skin. Take this as a good sign.
Grab the nearest pointed object. It is not necessary that it be straight or sharp or clean. You have let this go on. You lose some dignity in letting things fester.
Bite down. Clench your teeth. You get no anesthesia.
Let the shock sink in. Feel the betrayal sizzle on your nerve endings.
Cut off a portion. Decide that this is enough. Tell yourself you can live like this, you can make this work. The pain of this half-limb is better than its absence. Make yourself think you are recovering.
Feel worse. Notice your health plummeting.
Revisit the mutilation. Attack it. Beat it with your good fist. Deaden the remaining nerves. Lament what you know is coming, what you knew was inevitable from the first sign of decay. Envision the bad stitch job. Think of how hideous the scar will be. Wish that things could have turned out differently.
And then choose yourself. Finish the job. Cut. It. Off.